OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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