i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
