My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
