he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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