When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Two words: blizzard sex
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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