I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
