Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
