Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
