i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
