My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
