I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
