That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
