I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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