a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
