Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
