look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
