TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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