Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
