bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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