Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
