Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
