I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
