It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
