High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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