At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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