okay pat passed out under dana's car
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
