I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
