Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
