in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
