i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
