Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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