so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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