I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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