hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
