Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
