I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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