people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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