TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
