she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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