alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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