I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize