i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
