mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I checked into jail on foursquare
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
