I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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