She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
