a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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