Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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