waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
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on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
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I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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