Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
