ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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