Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
