...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Your penis caused this!
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