Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
