420 ftw
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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