just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
