the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
