Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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