Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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