she woke up with a sticky ear
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
