woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
do herpes really smell.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
