We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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