M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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