i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
