This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She made me pour olive oil on her.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
