you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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