I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
