I accidentally had phone sex last night
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
