i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
