Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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